Funniest song I've ever heard!!!

Artist: Dubliners

Song: Seven Drunken Nights

As I went home on Monday night as drunk as drunk could be

I saw a horse outside the door where my old horse should be

Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns that horse outside the door where my old horse should be?

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see

That's a lovely sow that me mother sent to me

Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more

But a saddle on a sow sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Tuesday night as drunk as drunk could be

I saw a coat behind the door where my old coat should be

Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat should be

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see

That's a woollen blanket that me mother sent to me

Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more

But buttons in a blanket sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Wednesday night as drunk as drunk could be

I saw a pipe up on the chair where my old pipe should be

Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns that pipe up on the chair where my old pipe should be

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see

That's a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me

Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more

But tobacco in a tin whistle sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Thursday night as drunk as drunk could be

I saw two boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be

Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns them boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see

They're two lovely Geranium pots me mother sent to me

Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more

But laces in Geranium pots I never saw before

And as I went home on Friday night as drunk as drunk could be

I saw a head upon the bed where my old head should be

Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns that head upon the bed where my old head should be

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see

That's a baby boy that me mother sent to me

Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more

But a baby boy with his whiskers on sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Saturday night as drunk as drunk could be

I saw two hands upon her breasts where my old hands should be

Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns them hands upon your breasts where my old hands should be

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see

That's a lovely night gown that me mother sent to me

Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more

But fingers in a night gown sure I never saw before

As I went home on Sunday night as drunk as drunk could be

I saw a thing in her thing where my old thing should be

Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me

Who owns that thing in your thing where my old thing should be

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see

That's a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me

Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more

But hair on a tin whistle sure I never saw before

"Reversed splitting" of the Hippocratic oath

The Code of Ethical Behavior for Patients

1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort.

Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity.

2. Be cheerful at all times.

Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get.

3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated.

Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.

4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief.

You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced.

5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it.

It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand.

6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily.

Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest.

7. Pay your medical bills promptly and willingly.

You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians.

8. Do not suffer from ailments that you cannot afford.

It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means.

9. Never reveal any of the shortcomings that have come to light in the course of treatment by your doctor.

The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure.

10. Never die while in your doctor's presence or under his direct care.

This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.

Take a laugh..a hearty one-----tid (for the rest of ur miserable life)

Came across these funny cartoons...thought that they would tickle ur funny bone too!!

Witty definitions....courtesy ALLURI the jester!!!!

Classic definitions and cool meanings:

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master's

4. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

5. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

6. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

7. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power .

8. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

9. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

10. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

11. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

12. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

13. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

14. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

15. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

16. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sitto decide that nothing can be done together.

17. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

18. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

19. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

20. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

21. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

22. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

23. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

24. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

25. Father : A banker provided by nature.

26. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

27. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

28. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

29. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and later kills you with his bills.